Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
