There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need to calm my uterus...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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