somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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