my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
