Your face is a jimmy john
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
