we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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