Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
