I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
