i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
