She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
