She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
