it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I still have a little drunk in my system
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
