your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
