When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I forget how to act sober
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
