There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
