I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
