There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
this hospital has no fireball
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
