I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
