maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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