At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
