I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize