So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
