Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
