the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize