so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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