no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
