I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
