im about as happy as oj after his trial
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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