She's JV to your varsity
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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