no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
