Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
