did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
