apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
