I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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