Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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