She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
