yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
