I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
