I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
