I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize