Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
