I wish my penis had an off switch
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
