Welp...herpes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize