i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
