if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
