I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize