someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
