just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was like eating out sand paper
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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