I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
