i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
