it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
