Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize