Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
