apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
