Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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