...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
