1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
