my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
