I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
