I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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