What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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