I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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