Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
