Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
