I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
