it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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