I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
