thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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