Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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