Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
