i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This is my gift to your gina
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
