I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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