There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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