you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
