I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize