It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
