I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
