then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
