so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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