It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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